The Dar Poop Suckers

Moody came bursting into the kitchen- "the pastor's house is soon going to be home of infectious diseases!"

"What??" I asked in disbelief not understanding what he was trying to tell me in proper Swahili indirectness.

"Haven't you looked around your house anytime recently? There's something you should probably see!" he cooly replied.

Following him out the door we proceeded to the flower bed right outside the kitchen window. Both of the dogs were lapping up some very stinky and putridly purplish liquid which had flooded the entire area.

"NO!" I yelled trying to keep the dogs from playing in the sewage pouring out all over the driveway. In the intense 100 degree Dar heat the smell was enough to make me queasy.

Moody had a proud look on his face that said: "see I told you so mr. pastor!" (He attends the church were I pastor).

"Errr.....what do we do Moody? How do we fix this kind of a problem? How do we clear this sewage chamber next to the kitchen?" I asked somewhat perplexed and powerless.

Seeming to ignore my question he began leading me on a tour of the house's sewage compartments. There are a grand total of six and every single one was bursting at the seems! As moody opened each one I saw things that I hope to forget quickly: poop of missionaries past and present was in no short supply bobbing to the top in the purplish compound that reeked of all things nasty.

"You see- it's a very big problem" he finally said.

Whether it was his gift of insight and perspicuity or the pungent smell of bacteria infested sewage that left me momentarily over-awed I'm not sure, but what I do know is that I couldn't think straight. I just kind of reeled in revulsion.

Finally, I had a thought- not a very good one, but at least it was a thought: "errr....ahhhh.....hmmmm....maybe we should......ummm....... find a way to.......errrr..... get rid of all this sewage" I finally muttered out loud.

"No problem- let's get the poop sucking crew to come over" Moody proposed.

In ignorance I just played along as if I knew exactly who and what the poop suckers were. We went driving to the nearby poop sucker truck station (I was shocked to find so many so close to my house). The captain of the crew was friendly, but made it clear- the cost would be 75,000 shillings and the truck could only handle a maximum of 10,000 liters of poop.

"Err.....okay.....that's fine.....I guess" I responded- unsure of how to calculate how much poop had accumulated hidden in the sub-terranean recesses of the house. We returned with the finest crew of poop suckers I've ever seen- (and ever hope to see again I might add).

The main chamber was the worst. In opening the cover, the sewage literally exploded out of the cavity making a river free flowing poop across the road outside the house. It was only then that I understood what a poop Sucker is truly capable of accomplishing.

"Washa! (turn it on)" yelled the captain. Simultaneously, he grabbed a 6 inch hose that began to suck the sewage river dry. This thing was so powerful it sucked up rocks, sucked up plastic bags, sucked up sticks, almost sucked up the captain's arm on more than one occasion- but most importantly it sucked up poop of all possible shapes, sizes, and states. Imagine a super sewage vacuum cleaner on wheels and you will have a mental image of the poop sucker. Within minutes the main chamber was almost empty; the river totally dry.

Just then Moody noticed that a second pipe was emptying fresh sewage into our main chamber. With the zeal of Sherlock Holmes he quickly tracked the source across the main road into the massive factory across the street. "Ahhh!!!! Foul!!!! They are illegally draining their poop into our system!" he cried out. In a flash he went down into the chamber- sewage and all- and plugged up the illegal pipe with all sorts of dirt, plastic bags, and rocks. "Now let's see them sneak their poop into our yard!" came his sinister laugh- as he emerged from the chamber covered with....well you know.....poop.

I could scarcely breathe let alone share in his moment of exhilaration at having successfully blocked someone's poop escape valve. My stomach throbbed with a dull ache. Too much poop for one day.

4,500 nasty liters later we had gathered up the majority of the poop in our sewage system and everyone was celebrating such a poop-sucking achievement except of course for the dogs. Both were bemoaning the fact that their new found beverage of choice had vanished as mysteriously as it had first appeared.

Life in Dar is never dull. We just found out that the main line that takes the sewage away from the house has been plugged for over a week. We may have one the poop sucking battle, but not the ongoing poop war. However, this time around I have friends in very influential poop sucking places!

As I conclude, I think of the Jesus' forgiveness and grace. I can't prove this- but I think God was as reviled by my sin as I am by the sight and smell of poop. Yet, the Bible says that "He who knew no sin became sin for us so that we might become the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus!" Wow! My sins are gone- I'm forgiven and clean- accepted by the Father because of the sacrificial death of Christ. Yep- The cross is even more powerful than the poop sucking trucks of Dar es Salaam!