5)
Create separation from the event: Be careful not to fall into the trap of
victimization. A victim sees
things from only one perspective: violation. Trust has been violated. Boundaries have been violated. Relationship has been violated, etc... In such moments, it is all too easy to rehash the events
that led you to this point from your perspective. The problem with your perspective is that it only sees things through your very hurt and wounded eyes. The danger in reliving these experiences is that wounds are reopened to
fester. It's kind of like a scab just starting to form only to be ripped off to expose the wound. It is absolutely
imperative that you create separation between yourself and the scenario in
question. This includes separation from the people, places, and events that took place.
During my healing process I often felt
the need to express the injustice of the situation to outside people. I hoped I would gain their sympathy and
prayer support. Inadvertently, I
would revisit the same painful experiences emotionally as I relived events with
people who really didn’t need to know all the details and promptly forgot what I had shared
with them. The only person who
suffered during these times was me.
I often walked away from such conversations emotionally drained. I could tell when I had relived the situation too closely- I couldn't think straight, I felt the pain of what had happened afresh, my physical energy evaporated, and I felt depressed. I had to learn to distance myself from
those places until my wounds could heal.
I did this by speaking in generalities and non-specific statements when
pressed for information. I took personal retreats to quiet locations. I only confided in people who were safe and really cared. I didn't share all the details. I found new people and places that knew nothing of the situation to spend time around. A good rule of thumb: Don't go back in your mind to replay what happened apart from the Lord's leadership.
6)
Spend concerted time in Worship: This is probably one of the most important things
that I learned during this time. I
found anointed worship music that inspired my soul. I would then allow the Spirit to stir my heart to sing. As simple as it may seem, one of the
first things to disappear in the life of a wounded saint is their capacity to
sing. Think about your experience and I think you will discover that this is true. Singing praises and
worship is medicine to the soul. Once I felt my spirit inspired to sing I would turn off the music because I wanted it to be my personalized praise to the Lord.
As
I opened my mouth and allowed truths to come out in the form song, it broke the
mental bondage of what had transpired.
I was lifted from a place of replaying, rehearsing, and rehashing to a
place of reverence, renewal, and rejuvenation. Worship releases the presence and power of God to visit our
hearts. The danger in prayer during toxic seasons is that we make a BIG DEAL of what happened instead of a BIG DEAL of God's goodness and capacity to bring us through. Praise and worship magnifies the BIGNESS of God to our wounded hearts and souls. Without this very necessary paradigm shift, prayer can become nothing more than personal pain infliction as ponder the past. David said it so well,
“God inhabits the praises of His people.”
Start praising and you will soon find God’s presence. I promise.
Another good idea is to find new and free resources
that will refresh your soul. For
example, the International House of Prayer in Kansas City has a continual
web-stream that is really good. Their archives contain incredible music from people like Misty Edwards, Jon Thurlow, and Jaye Thomas. Carve out times for worship breaks. I used to take 15 minutes and do nothing but sing worship songs. Finally, watch out for the trap of feelings. Singing is very closely associated with how we feel. And you won't feel like it. Do it anyway. Praise God in the midst of your trouble, heart-ache, and brokenness and you will find His refreshing and healing power right around the corner.
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