10)
Minister to others: As counter-intuitive as
this may sound, find other people who need ministry. Obviously, we have to be careful not to dump our spiritual
garbage on them as this will never benefit anyone. Having said that,
the tendency is to completely retreat during times of vulnerability. We need the separation that retreat
creates, but we can never become spiritual hermits. I found that in my most broken moments the Lord
brought equally broken people into my life for a very specific purpose.
At first it was almost comical. I would
cry out for God’s healing in my heart only to meet someone with an equally
painful past. I thought the Lord
had lost track of what I was going through. Surely, I needed someone stable and mature to cross my
path able to offer me some much needed help. Instead, He sent me
some of the most broken people I’ve ever encountered. As I became intentional to listen to their stories sharing
my understanding of God’s Word and character, God began using my
brokenness and pain to heal others wounds. I found that people were just looking for someone to listen to them and love them through their pain. Amazingly, many of these people are still dear friends and
prayer partners several years later. God healed their hearts through my life. Much like David and the Mighty men, the bonds of loyalty and spiritual
comradery forged during such moments run deep. Look for other people who will benefit from the spiritual
lessons that you are learning during this time. It will help you see God's purposes in your pain.
11)
Experience Forgiveness: Yes, you knew it was
coming sooner or later.
Forgiveness is the very fiber that holds Christianity together. Without it everything soon
unravels. Forgive as Christ
forgave you. This involves
three different levels. We have to
forgive others for the wrongs they have inflicted. This is easier said that
done. Remember that the other
person probably hasn’t repented from what they have done. There may be no change in their
behavior or attitude. And they may not even be aware that they have hurt you. Yet, we
still have an obligation to forgive them. Five simple principles shared at a recent conference articulate many of the principles that have helped me in my journey:
a.
Forgiveness is a command not an option (Matt. 6:12-15)
b.
Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling (Matt. 18.32-35)
c.
Forgiveness is for your benefit not the benefit of the
offender (Lk. 23:34)
d.
Forgiveness must be specific not general (Matt 5:23-24)
e.
Forgiveness is a process not an event (Matt. 18:21)
Secondly, we have
to forgive God for the perceived injustice of the situation. I don’t mean that God has done any
wrong. He is perfect. Our perceptions and expectations of
what He should and shouldn’t allow, however, will certainly be affected. This will invariably create barriers in
our relationship with Him.
We must be intentional about letting these issues go by grappling with our emotional reality instead of concealing it. Prayer is essential in this regard. Prayers of relinquishment are essential. To relinquish is to release a tight hold on something. So relinquish the deep-seated sentiment to God. Here is a good model prayer: “Lord, I don’t understand why you allowed this happen,
but I choose to trust you and ask you to forgive me for all bitterness and
anger I have harbored in my heart against you. I give this situation to you now by faith.” Point number 5 from above is essential here: this is a process not a one-time event.
And thirdly, we
have to forgive ourselves for naivety and manipulation issues. When I realized how furious I was
at myself for not picking up on the cues sooner, for being overly trusting, and for allowing myself to be hurt, I had to become very aggressive in dealing with
this third area. At first I was in denial that I could be angry at myself, but it sure explained a lot of my negative emotions. I find that
many people battle self-hatred after walking through toxic times. I certainly did. This all goes back to the
underlying need for forgiveness by being at peace with yourself.
Finally,
forgiveness doesn’t mean that the other person has been absolved of all
responsibility. It means that
instead of us bearing the burden of retaliation, God now owns the situation.
God will deal with the other person, especially if they claim to be a believer
or spiritual leader. I have seen
it time and time again. It may take months, years, or even decades, but
ultimately the God of the whole universe shall do right. He will convict, correct, chastise, and
conform for the glorious purpose of reconciliation. What forgiveness does mean is freedom to continue
living life without the shadow of something sinister continuously lurking over
our souls.
I chose to forgive those who had wronged me, release my anger towards God, and towards myself. I can assure you that I didn't feel like doing it, but slowly, my heart moved into a place where it cooperated with my will. Forgiveness gave me momentum to pursue total healing. And it will for you too!
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